Simplicity♥
Simplicity | Eternal | Love | Life | You
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Today's off day frm FYP so went out with Khim. When he told me last night we will be going to Tampinese to eat & catch a movie and the most surprising was to meet at 12 or earlier. It was so surprising which was so rare of him. But of cus i wont expect anything cus i'm sure we wont meet at that time. Indeed we met at 1plus & went to Cathay instead.
Caught
Time Traveller's Wife and went
Aston's for lunch. It was a great touching show accept that i was feeling so emotional and teary khim wasnt hugging or comforting me but telling and guessing what wld happen or something =.= i ended up feeling moody after the show. OH lunch was extra yummy perhaps i was starving.
was suppose to meet bestestlove but all of them were busy, so we went
Bugis for Fish soup. And guess what, for the first time we went to
Geylang for Dou Jiang You Tiao by
bus and its
not by
CAR. So amazing that he wld be willing to go huh.. :DDD
Silly baby trying to make me smile on the way home bcus i gt angry.
Alright, last sunday was Mazuin's Hsewarming cum Hari Raya. Morning was church and den lunch with the family. So, thought i was suppose to meet Khim after his training & to knw he had to go to his fren place SO it was 2pm & he asked me to meet him at 330. So i cant possibly go hm for half an hr and head out again. i was feeling all moody and frustrated all over, so for sake of asking jus cus i was alone he asked me to follow him. I din, so headed to Lot1 and wait.
Waited for 2hrs luckily i went to did my nail but an act of impulse leaving me in a pile of shit now !
Met ame at west mall after tt then met Yx & JY, walked to meet Mui then walked to the NTUC and den to Mazuin's place. Anyway here are the photos before i left.
2 & 1/2 weeks more to go.
Still many places i wanna go not yet fulfilled :( Sentosa,botanic gardens,marina barrage, east coast, etc. SIGGGHHH
9/30/2009 10:56:00 PM
I dono why I can nvr have enough slp,the more how I escape frm getting waken up the more I get woke up. Damn. Bloody china call jus to say HI ni hao, bloody !&@?&!. And den the thunder drilling again.
ok time for some updates, 2weeks ago on the hari raya weekend Khim had his cousin's wedding so we spent time tgt on a sun by having dnr with his family. He came after his training slack ard tgt and silly him did facial mask & we headed home to knw there's dnr with his cousins and uncle at bottle tree park. after dnr we were suppose to catch a movie but they were heading to T3 to chit chat being kpo us had a hard time deciding to follow or nt as we had nt been spending time tgt for long.
So in e end we followed.
We chit chatted all the way to 2plus and reached hm only at 3am. We were al dead tired, slept only after 4am. Khim's dad sent us home when we woke up & had lunch, we were dead tired, had a hard time heading out.
Jy picked us at Gombak, played & prepared for the bbq. Sis finished work so Khim went to met her went home & drive back. We were having fun drinking and we gt really high and crazy including Ame luh. They all gt tired and drunk after drinking so we left, sent ame home before heading back. It was a fun night
:D
Next up wld b sat lantern's festival. & it falls on our mthsary :D
9/30/2009 10:30:00 AM
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Have so much to update !
3 more weeks of holidays to go and den lesser time with khim. Well, this yr had been a pretty bad yr, so much unhappiness caused and adding on money doesnt seems to be flowing in for us and we missed out so much esp our yearly holiday :( At much i wish for this yr to jus end quickly and a better year ahead for us and also the best for us. Still i had my happiest moments which was the lovely
2mths of time he had gaven fully to me :D
We have been trying to talk things out now i guess, i hope things would change for the better and not remain the same or worsen. i hope. working hard each day to strive for a better us, better future, better days ahead. As long as communicate, share our feelings, express ourselves, understand each other, learn for our mistake, we would get better wouldnt we ? I really hope we will. Alt the barrier of time is always in between and many miscommunications. I really do hope we wld communicate and express ourselves, i mean for him ?
At times he do still show me he cares,
Msia trip when we argued badly after a happy day, he still gave in to me to enjoy the
beautiful long awaited weekend & bestestlove bbq (
shall update on that soon ) .
When i was freezing in the car when the jacket was jus at the backseat, he stopped by the side jus to take it and put it over me. last week's
BBQ at Jieyu's hse with lotsa fun drinking (
shall update soon too )
Ydae was
Mazuin's Hari Raya cum Hse warming, much fun and been long since i saw the others. 1 big amazing thing i have to say,
we walked all the way frm west mall to her place which is real far. But sadly i had to leave early cus its so far away frm home so we gotta catch khim's sis to get the car, after sis got home we went for supper and when we reached tong shui, everyone was facing the tv catching
F1 and even the waiter ! somehow it looks funny as though we went into a cinema. The moment he sat down he started telling me how many laps here and there, hahas.
Today was FYP as usual before we get to work we will b discussing on where to go to have fun and we went to sing ! not more den an hr of work we left, something
creepy happened and yeah, i guess i wouldnt be going back to
civic centre party world. After that i din wanted to be alone at home so went down to look for parents but they drove aimlessly to wait for me.
Shall update more soon but some fotos first.
2 more days to not seeing khim BUT its okay !
Ydae somethin unhappy happen, i had to wait 2hrs for him so rather waiting aimlessly, i acted on impulse and when to did mani & pedi which cost me 55bucks! i checked my bills ydae and i am in dead shit, trying badly nt to think about it. SIGGH
The purplepish red alt looks demon-licious
Last friday
my "xiao long nu" hair they named
Last wed
Our bao bao
creepy room :S
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Finally, we sat down and talk it out, alt whenever i faced him my mind goes nth but blank and i don feel like even talking but when him not ard i then have so much to say and thoughts. But still i guess it gets a little better alt he still din assure me how much i mean to him, i guess he is rly trying to do his best by spending time with me.
He needs words, i need words too.
I hope very much it all remains as its does and those endless quarrels, cold wars, heartaches nvr to visit again bcus it sucks and we both get so unhappy.
thanks for showing the effort, thanks for once again hugging me kissing the tears away, thanks for showing the love at the door step once again. I appreciate it.
After the bad day ydae, we tried doing the unsaved block diagram and thanks to mighty zhi xuan kumar no.2 solving al the pros. we had dnr at imm for jun xian and much fun though.
3more weeks of holidays left, no more playtime, no more seeing u so often.
Treasure what we have now can we ? Alt those cravings, places i want to go i knw it wld be hard waiting for the day u satisfy them for me. Still, i hope and wish but the least u expect the least disappointment u have.
You may not be the best but still u hold a impt placing in me
9/26/2009 01:05:00 AM
A bad day
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I had the bad worst day ever, it feels yucky. Everything doesnt goes right. Woke up with swollen eyes after forcing myself to slp. It sucks to knw that he fell asleep while i was crying away. But i'm glad i had someone there and even offering to come down to lend a shoulder, i felt comfort and i appreciate it. I always thought i was much more stronger but i wasnt. I always thought that i was much more independent but no, whenever facing you the tendency to be dependent on you gets stronger. i hate it when ppl come telling me i'm a strong girl. I hate it when ppl come telling me how emo am i, i din ask for all this.
When can we ever talk things out, when can u ever understand how i feel, when can the old us ever come back. Everything seems so impossible now. 2months, 2 months it has been and amazing how i had struggled through. It hurts so deep to recvd those words those msges.
we need a talk, i need a talk, i need to talk . REAL SOON.
Everything takes 2 hands to clap but here i am al alone trying hard to make it work.
FYP wasnt any better, everything was properly done but i had to spoil it. By nt saving those data at all cause much trouble to everyone. The strong guilt, it left me feeling yucky the whole day.
Labels: It all seems so fake
9/24/2009 10:21:00 PM
it hurts even more to wait and to knw it doesn't matters.
9/24/2009 01:45:00 AM
The net is finally done after 5days, i thought it wld affect me much badly but glad it did not. After being occupied everyday except ydae but still i occupy myself with dramas. So much to update but none to do with khim.
Perhaps each time we catch a movie i wld end up feeling emotional again or isit each time we are out alone. i dont knw. Now we dont meet only after 3 4pm, when his exams are coming assignments piled up training taking all his time. It left me a huge impression how he always floods excuse to meet me, it hurts. It hurts to knw how he doesnt wants to spend time with me. It hurts how i darnt ask frm him. It hurts how each time i say i plan the next days program to have a ans in return see how it goes bcus its nth else but trainings and gym. It doesnt matters to him anymore knwing i'm al alone. He was the one who never says no to me but now who says no to me
Each day i have to hoax myself that he is there, hoax myself he stil loves me,hoax myself that he will want to see me soon.But am i making it even tougher for myself to knw that i was deluding myself.
I'm very much contented, every few hrs we get tgt alt nt alone i treasure i cherish each tiny little gesture of love he shows, just tt simple of him holding me or turning to hold me . 090909 a special day of longetiviy did we spent it tgt? No we din. 20092009 did we spend it tgt? No we din, upon recieving the msg from Shirey of spending this special day well with yr love one and stuffs. A very strong urge floods me, But still we din had the day tgt. We had missed so many days tgt.
Isnt love suppose to be sweet & beautiful? But why, why isit so bittersweet? Why isit as time goes as months and yrs increases, the love fades, the level of romance and sweetness fades. i don need gifts or anythin related to money but even words will do. But i was nvr given assurances.
After many many many saved drafts unpost posts deleted posts, i finally blog it all. I don wanna lose my everything.
But i'm such at a lost what shld i do, i try hard everyday not asking for anything and wait, do what i cld ever do, stand by there. But doing things without appreciation..... i hate it.
Alt i knw someday you wld read this but i knw its pointless bcus i knw u wldnt even say anything about it or saying how i don appreciate what u have done. But i do. I wish someone would understand how i feel instead of how i am not treasuring what i have. And what i'm going tru is far beyond words.
The love lies deep deep in,
life would be meaningless without you.
9/24/2009 12:36:00 AM
Monday, September 21, 2009
net has been done :( have to wait till wed for the person to come down to check the dsl line :( no more hk drama :(
Blogging at T3 nw with my precious saver E71 den enable me surf anywhere :D at this hr? Khim's family having chit chatting session. Having much fun though.
Bbq at Mr Jieyu place, another fun long weekend :(
Labels: I hate it when u leave me alone
9/21/2009 01:37:00 AM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Had a hard time sleeping, ydae's steamboat caused a bad stomachache. After another dispute ended at 2am, fell asleep with many awaking in e middle of e night.
Woke up at 11am to my hk dramas again, intended to meet Khim after his coaxing for lunch and acc him for his appt. Hahs, but he doesn't needs me..
Sigh,
Big girls don't cry, I'm not a big girl anymore.
Labels: it hurts
9/17/2009 01:19:00 PM
I din ask for being like this. I din ask for being always so upset. I din ask for being emo, I don like it when everyone always comment how emo am I how my posts and comments are always so emo. I din ask for it.
I need a space to let it out. I hate it how u hurt me how u place me how u make the tears drop rapidly. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the way u hurt me so deeply. I hate it how whatever I've done is jus not appreciative.
but still the love remains.
9/17/2009 01:09:00 AM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
- Post deleted -
9/10/2009 09:22:00 PM
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
when things has change, it isnt easy to change it back anymore.
Does
quarrels and
tears ever solve anything? it doesnt, it only makes both parties get angry and start hating each other. When u tear the other part get irritated and thinks u look fugly.
Things really does fades when times come, i use to hate myself for being like that. But till i met Khim i knew what
true love was, i started believing in forever i started seeing a future for me for us. Now i finally understand, things doesnt always remain as it is.
i do appreciates things done, i do.
090909, a rare date which represents longetivity. Supposed to be sweet and wonderful day isnt it? i was wrong always trying to keep things to prevent any quarrels but yet as usual he keep things as well and den explode all it to my face. i hate it.
Ydae was a great day out with the family to
Msia but still constantly i cldnt keep my mind of him. Sigh. But i had a great day, shoppings, foods and everything. Luckily i had his phone with me so i cld recvd texts from him if not i guess i would be worrying all day long.
Friday we are heading in again and daddy goes OMG OMG . Hopefully khim is able to join us :)
I caught a
bad flu, woke up feeling goggy, daddy drove me to sch for
FYP. FYP doesnt gets any better but just doing the same old thing over and over again.
Its the start of holidays only, how can i ever survive 6weeks ?
The wonderful Shabu Shabu i ever had
Mum's camera skills is bad
The choco Mooncake with liquors.
Whisky, Red wine, Mango
Labels: You're the person i only want even if the world collapse
9/09/2009 07:10:00 AM
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sipping tea at Canele with a cake, seems so relaxing on a monday afternoon.
Met Khim knwing he wld be late I took my very own sweet time stil I was early. Had Ayam penyet for lunch and met darling to get my coSmetics but sadly the eyeliner is out of stock, halfway till bankruptcy.
So while waiting for his parents to come,we r having tea at Paragon.. Shall treasure today well with him before our busy days come again.
Sometimes I jus don understand why ppl doesn't appreciates efforts done and shown and I hate it.
.
9/07/2009 03:16:00 PM
I had a bad bad bad nightmare, zombies, leaving me, clubbings.
Okay, its still giving me creeps.
Finally got back to slp, BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR the damn drilling went. The whole family got woke up. The drillings is so fcuking irritating.
Luckily, i am heading out soon. And khim even forgot that he was meeting me and just went happily for training. Finally i can go to Tangs to get my cosmetics which spells bankrupt-NESS. Dinner with his parents which seems 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 days weeks ago since i had dinner with them.
Tml's family day and we are gonna head to the connecting island nearby :D
Yesterday acc-ed dear jieyu to pasir ris farmway and me & sis fell in love with the toy poodle. Went home and gt parents down BUTTT mum disagree as no one gonna look after it. it took us 2hrs to decide and den head to grandma's place for dinner. OH damn, we were so near to getting it. But still its a lifetime commitment and i guess that's just a temporary interest and they were right we cant even take care of ourselves let alone a dog.
9/07/2009 10:46:00 AM
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I don like i don like i done like.
I don like it when you show me coldness i don like it when i knw u have stop loving me i don like it when u show u are tired of me i don like when u leave me alone i don like when you doesnt text me back knwing we are having cold wars i don like it when u don wanna talk things out i don like it when i knw u arnt the same old you anymore.
no matter how many i don like, but u still could turn it all into a like just i a sec. WHY.
It hurts to see the present being squashed all the way on the bottom with yr heavy books all stacked above. It hurts.
Knwing the time tgt is alrdy so little but yet we wld rather have cold wars and quarrels and just ignoring each other. It hurts deeply, real deep but i had to be strong to brave it through
Went to Jy's place and we head out for breakfast and then guitar heros agaain. Its so funn. Took a bus down to SIM but he ended early so we met halfway and headed back home. Cousin is staying over for the night as Aunt is out of town.
I appreciate the beautiful night alt it wasnt just the 2 of us but u showered me with yr love, silly faces & you staying with me. There is why you leave me always in a dilemia, Hot & cold, Hot & Cold. So unsure whether isit still love or? But still, i love tonight with those silly faces, those touches those sweet little pecks. It meant everything to me.
But stil i cldnt gather the courage and sit down and say Lets have a talk. Bcus i knw i wld get disappointment in e end. I wish one day we cld say things all out and treasure the love that took us everything to build it up.
Bucs you are the only one who could turn my grey skies blue.
New hair cut
The love tat we had was never easy to come.
Honey = Bee
Bee = Honey
:DDD
9/05/2009 10:20:00 PM
it doesnt feels good.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
i lost control once again, i regretted. Blewing todays mthsary up, we were suppose to catch a movie. I tot that i still had tml. That day when he mentioned he had training in e morning,i comfort myself that i had the rest of the day with him. Its a FRIDAY, our always tgt day. But i understand he has his projects to complete. All i wanted for some words or assurance from him, but no he jus remain silence.
I passed him the present and yeah to what i expected. He open up and den place it in his bag after. Ask me if i was upset, no i wasnt.
I had to control the whole day after hearing not having him ard. Since that day we hadnt even spend real quality time tgt. Yet again its always me complaining of all this. It hurts.
After recieving those hurting msges, i was speechless. i guess the most hurting is to knw how yr guy has stop loving you or get tired of you. I nvr knew i wld be included in the stresses in him. I'm trying so hard day by day, but to avail. I'm proud of myself turning into a independent lady, able to do things on my own. But i realise how tiring it is, i still wish i cld have someone i cld depend on like the past. Someone there for me, someone telling me its ok when i cry.
no words can describe how i really miss the past.
i feel happy now, for myself my family. But how strong a person is, there is also a need to slow down isnt it ? i sat down watching trains passby, tears flow & flow, it reminded me that everyone do still loves me. Alt the man who once loves me has stop loving me, its okay, i had memories, it hurts but i knw i still can brave through all. I've been trying for a mth to be the old us to enter his heart once again, knwing hw i wld fail so badly. I nvr thought of gaving up but just try and try. Perhaps it would irritates him..
It really hurts real bad.
I had never felt like this before, i dont knw hw am i to handle al this. All i cld do is jus cry and cry.
Love makes one so vulnerable. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. The day when u realise you arnt who you are anymore, its too late
9/03/2009 10:03:00 PM
just gotten my heart checkup half done, while waiting enjoying a cup of java chip at starbucks and blogging with my dear E71.
Checkups seriously do sucks, after EG scan and den treadmill run which kills me and den ultrasound. I tot I was done but no,the gal came over and told me 2 head down for my X-ray and den review after 2pm again before he refer me to the lungs specialist. Well, well.. when he qns al kind of cancers,diabetes,heart problems, my family history do hav all of them.
Luckily daddy send me dwn but hav to leave for meeting reluctantly. He was rather worried and repeating so many times call him if there's anything ok? But no money call mummy. Hahas. Most embarrassing I hav to face later by paying with mixture of nets and credit. Total bill would be thousand more!
This is really the first time I'm all alone for such a complicated checkup. Getting X-ray all done on my own. Yes, I feel so proud of myself today. Alt daddy did ask what is Khim doing now why din he come with you.. I darnt say he was gyming. I kept quiet and den mutter he has his appt. Ask me if I was upset he wasn't here? No, I wasn't. Don't ask me why bcus i don't knw either.
Anyway I am jus so proud of myself.
The always scare of everything mar has grown up.
Thumbs up
9/03/2009 11:52:00 AM
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
i havent been updating for very long, after closing the previous blog. Well, i need somewhere where i can store all my memories due to my highly STM. This past one mth has pass so quickly with many changes. At times i still do cry myself to slp, i knw it doesnt helps anything but at least i feel better waking up the nx day. I keep things all in my heart, when it overfloods, i cry it all out.. It gets better :D
I'm glad during this period i hav catch up with many of my dear frens, met up with all time bestie Fang Yi ydae. She's one fren tt even though we can don meet for ages but still remain the same and even closer unlike others. Even met up with Azura and Mazuin jus weeks back. Catched up with Jieyu on a sat afternoon. Pri sch mates for Fabian's bdae. So much so much more.
But i've been missing out much frm bestestloves.
This period of time makes me realise how i cld really still stand alone. But at times i really do still get tired longing for someone i cld still rely and lied on.
Tml i will be going for my heart checkup alone. The first time going on such a big checkup alone, i do get jitters but a little voice in me tells me i am brave and i can do it.
I shall update bits by bits one day :)
Stupid me broke my damn long nails al the way in to the flesh and bleeded like fcuk, and nw i have to wrapped it up when i bath or touches water. SHYTS
Despite rushing this and struggling tru the financial crisis period, i still managed to brave this out. I dont knw whether would he be happy or appreciate this. I've expected the outcome of him recieving this. Well, i shldnt be disappointed bcus i knw deep in i've tried my very best and put in all the love and effort while doing this. It may means nth or jus something small or cheap, but definitly it contains more then memories but love.
HAPPY 28mthsary.
Labels: i do still wish you to be here when i need you
9/02/2009 10:08:00 PM
Today's off day frm FYP so went out with Khim. When he told me last night we will be going to Tampinese to eat & catch a movie and the most surprising was to meet at 12 or earlier. It was so surprising which was so rare of him. But of cus i wont expect anything cus i'm sure we wont meet at that time. Indeed we met at 1plus & went to Cathay instead.
Caught
Time Traveller's Wife and went
Aston's for lunch. It was a great touching show accept that i was feeling so emotional and teary khim wasnt hugging or comforting me but telling and guessing what wld happen or something =.= i ended up feeling moody after the show. OH lunch was extra yummy perhaps i was starving.
was suppose to meet bestestlove but all of them were busy, so we went
Bugis for Fish soup. And guess what, for the first time we went to
Geylang for Dou Jiang You Tiao by
bus and its
not by
CAR. So amazing that he wld be willing to go huh.. :DDD
Silly baby trying to make me smile on the way home bcus i gt angry.
Alright, last sunday was Mazuin's Hsewarming cum Hari Raya. Morning was church and den lunch with the family. So, thought i was suppose to meet Khim after his training & to knw he had to go to his fren place SO it was 2pm & he asked me to meet him at 330. So i cant possibly go hm for half an hr and head out again. i was feeling all moody and frustrated all over, so for sake of asking jus cus i was alone he asked me to follow him. I din, so headed to Lot1 and wait.
Waited for 2hrs luckily i went to did my nail but an act of impulse leaving me in a pile of shit now !
Met ame at west mall after tt then met Yx & JY, walked to meet Mui then walked to the NTUC and den to Mazuin's place. Anyway here are the photos before i left.
2 & 1/2 weeks more to go.
Still many places i wanna go not yet fulfilled :( Sentosa,botanic gardens,marina barrage, east coast, etc. SIGGGHHH
9/30/2009 10:56:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I dono why I can nvr have enough slp,the more how I escape frm getting waken up the more I get woke up. Damn. Bloody china call jus to say HI ni hao, bloody !&@?&!. And den the thunder drilling again.
ok time for some updates, 2weeks ago on the hari raya weekend Khim had his cousin's wedding so we spent time tgt on a sun by having dnr with his family. He came after his training slack ard tgt and silly him did facial mask & we headed home to knw there's dnr with his cousins and uncle at bottle tree park. after dnr we were suppose to catch a movie but they were heading to T3 to chit chat being kpo us had a hard time deciding to follow or nt as we had nt been spending time tgt for long.
So in e end we followed.
We chit chatted all the way to 2plus and reached hm only at 3am. We were al dead tired, slept only after 4am. Khim's dad sent us home when we woke up & had lunch, we were dead tired, had a hard time heading out.
Jy picked us at Gombak, played & prepared for the bbq. Sis finished work so Khim went to met her went home & drive back. We were having fun drinking and we gt really high and crazy including Ame luh. They all gt tired and drunk after drinking so we left, sent ame home before heading back. It was a fun night
:D
Next up wld b sat lantern's festival. & it falls on our mthsary :D
9/30/2009 10:30:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Have so much to update !
3 more weeks of holidays to go and den lesser time with khim. Well, this yr had been a pretty bad yr, so much unhappiness caused and adding on money doesnt seems to be flowing in for us and we missed out so much esp our yearly holiday :( At much i wish for this yr to jus end quickly and a better year ahead for us and also the best for us. Still i had my happiest moments which was the lovely
2mths of time he had gaven fully to me :D
We have been trying to talk things out now i guess, i hope things would change for the better and not remain the same or worsen. i hope. working hard each day to strive for a better us, better future, better days ahead. As long as communicate, share our feelings, express ourselves, understand each other, learn for our mistake, we would get better wouldnt we ? I really hope we will. Alt the barrier of time is always in between and many miscommunications. I really do hope we wld communicate and express ourselves, i mean for him ?
At times he do still show me he cares,
Msia trip when we argued badly after a happy day, he still gave in to me to enjoy the
beautiful long awaited weekend & bestestlove bbq (
shall update on that soon ) .
When i was freezing in the car when the jacket was jus at the backseat, he stopped by the side jus to take it and put it over me. last week's
BBQ at Jieyu's hse with lotsa fun drinking (
shall update soon too )
Ydae was
Mazuin's Hari Raya cum Hse warming, much fun and been long since i saw the others. 1 big amazing thing i have to say,
we walked all the way frm west mall to her place which is real far. But sadly i had to leave early cus its so far away frm home so we gotta catch khim's sis to get the car, after sis got home we went for supper and when we reached tong shui, everyone was facing the tv catching
F1 and even the waiter ! somehow it looks funny as though we went into a cinema. The moment he sat down he started telling me how many laps here and there, hahas.
Today was FYP as usual before we get to work we will b discussing on where to go to have fun and we went to sing ! not more den an hr of work we left, something
creepy happened and yeah, i guess i wouldnt be going back to
civic centre party world. After that i din wanted to be alone at home so went down to look for parents but they drove aimlessly to wait for me.
Shall update more soon but some fotos first.
2 more days to not seeing khim BUT its okay !
Ydae somethin unhappy happen, i had to wait 2hrs for him so rather waiting aimlessly, i acted on impulse and when to did mani & pedi which cost me 55bucks! i checked my bills ydae and i am in dead shit, trying badly nt to think about it. SIGGH
The purplepish red alt looks demon-licious
Last friday
my "xiao long nu" hair they named
Last wed
Our bao bao
creepy room :S
//
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Finally, we sat down and talk it out, alt whenever i faced him my mind goes nth but blank and i don feel like even talking but when him not ard i then have so much to say and thoughts. But still i guess it gets a little better alt he still din assure me how much i mean to him, i guess he is rly trying to do his best by spending time with me.
He needs words, i need words too.
I hope very much it all remains as its does and those endless quarrels, cold wars, heartaches nvr to visit again bcus it sucks and we both get so unhappy.
thanks for showing the effort, thanks for once again hugging me kissing the tears away, thanks for showing the love at the door step once again. I appreciate it.
After the bad day ydae, we tried doing the unsaved block diagram and thanks to mighty zhi xuan kumar no.2 solving al the pros. we had dnr at imm for jun xian and much fun though.
3more weeks of holidays left, no more playtime, no more seeing u so often.
Treasure what we have now can we ? Alt those cravings, places i want to go i knw it wld be hard waiting for the day u satisfy them for me. Still, i hope and wish but the least u expect the least disappointment u have.
You may not be the best but still u hold a impt placing in me
9/26/2009 01:05:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
A bad day
I had the bad worst day ever, it feels yucky. Everything doesnt goes right. Woke up with swollen eyes after forcing myself to slp. It sucks to knw that he fell asleep while i was crying away. But i'm glad i had someone there and even offering to come down to lend a shoulder, i felt comfort and i appreciate it. I always thought i was much more stronger but i wasnt. I always thought that i was much more independent but no, whenever facing you the tendency to be dependent on you gets stronger. i hate it when ppl come telling me i'm a strong girl. I hate it when ppl come telling me how emo am i, i din ask for all this.
When can we ever talk things out, when can u ever understand how i feel, when can the old us ever come back. Everything seems so impossible now. 2months, 2 months it has been and amazing how i had struggled through. It hurts so deep to recvd those words those msges.
we need a talk, i need a talk, i need to talk . REAL SOON.
Everything takes 2 hands to clap but here i am al alone trying hard to make it work.
FYP wasnt any better, everything was properly done but i had to spoil it. By nt saving those data at all cause much trouble to everyone. The strong guilt, it left me feeling yucky the whole day.
Labels: It all seems so fake
9/24/2009 10:21:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
it hurts even more to wait and to knw it doesn't matters.
9/24/2009 01:45:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
The net is finally done after 5days, i thought it wld affect me much badly but glad it did not. After being occupied everyday except ydae but still i occupy myself with dramas. So much to update but none to do with khim.
Perhaps each time we catch a movie i wld end up feeling emotional again or isit each time we are out alone. i dont knw. Now we dont meet only after 3 4pm, when his exams are coming assignments piled up training taking all his time. It left me a huge impression how he always floods excuse to meet me, it hurts. It hurts to knw how he doesnt wants to spend time with me. It hurts how i darnt ask frm him. It hurts how each time i say i plan the next days program to have a ans in return see how it goes bcus its nth else but trainings and gym. It doesnt matters to him anymore knwing i'm al alone. He was the one who never says no to me but now who says no to me
Each day i have to hoax myself that he is there, hoax myself he stil loves me,hoax myself that he will want to see me soon.But am i making it even tougher for myself to knw that i was deluding myself.
I'm very much contented, every few hrs we get tgt alt nt alone i treasure i cherish each tiny little gesture of love he shows, just tt simple of him holding me or turning to hold me . 090909 a special day of longetiviy did we spent it tgt? No we din. 20092009 did we spend it tgt? No we din, upon recieving the msg from Shirey of spending this special day well with yr love one and stuffs. A very strong urge floods me, But still we din had the day tgt. We had missed so many days tgt.
Isnt love suppose to be sweet & beautiful? But why, why isit so bittersweet? Why isit as time goes as months and yrs increases, the love fades, the level of romance and sweetness fades. i don need gifts or anythin related to money but even words will do. But i was nvr given assurances.
After many many many saved drafts unpost posts deleted posts, i finally blog it all. I don wanna lose my everything.
But i'm such at a lost what shld i do, i try hard everyday not asking for anything and wait, do what i cld ever do, stand by there. But doing things without appreciation..... i hate it.
Alt i knw someday you wld read this but i knw its pointless bcus i knw u wldnt even say anything about it or saying how i don appreciate what u have done. But i do. I wish someone would understand how i feel instead of how i am not treasuring what i have. And what i'm going tru is far beyond words.
The love lies deep deep in,
life would be meaningless without you.
9/24/2009 12:36:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
net has been done :( have to wait till wed for the person to come down to check the dsl line :( no more hk drama :(
Blogging at T3 nw with my precious saver E71 den enable me surf anywhere :D at this hr? Khim's family having chit chatting session. Having much fun though.
Bbq at Mr Jieyu place, another fun long weekend :(
Labels: I hate it when u leave me alone
9/21/2009 01:37:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Had a hard time sleeping, ydae's steamboat caused a bad stomachache. After another dispute ended at 2am, fell asleep with many awaking in e middle of e night.
Woke up at 11am to my hk dramas again, intended to meet Khim after his coaxing for lunch and acc him for his appt. Hahs, but he doesn't needs me..
Sigh,
Big girls don't cry, I'm not a big girl anymore.
Labels: it hurts
9/17/2009 01:19:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I din ask for being like this. I din ask for being always so upset. I din ask for being emo, I don like it when everyone always comment how emo am I how my posts and comments are always so emo. I din ask for it.
I need a space to let it out. I hate it how u hurt me how u place me how u make the tears drop rapidly. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the way u hurt me so deeply. I hate it how whatever I've done is jus not appreciative.
but still the love remains.
9/17/2009 01:09:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
- Post deleted -
9/10/2009 09:22:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
when things has change, it isnt easy to change it back anymore.
Does
quarrels and
tears ever solve anything? it doesnt, it only makes both parties get angry and start hating each other. When u tear the other part get irritated and thinks u look fugly.
Things really does fades when times come, i use to hate myself for being like that. But till i met Khim i knew what
true love was, i started believing in forever i started seeing a future for me for us. Now i finally understand, things doesnt always remain as it is.
i do appreciates things done, i do.
090909, a rare date which represents longetivity. Supposed to be sweet and wonderful day isnt it? i was wrong always trying to keep things to prevent any quarrels but yet as usual he keep things as well and den explode all it to my face. i hate it.
Ydae was a great day out with the family to
Msia but still constantly i cldnt keep my mind of him. Sigh. But i had a great day, shoppings, foods and everything. Luckily i had his phone with me so i cld recvd texts from him if not i guess i would be worrying all day long.
Friday we are heading in again and daddy goes OMG OMG . Hopefully khim is able to join us :)
I caught a
bad flu, woke up feeling goggy, daddy drove me to sch for
FYP. FYP doesnt gets any better but just doing the same old thing over and over again.
Its the start of holidays only, how can i ever survive 6weeks ?
The wonderful Shabu Shabu i ever had
Mum's camera skills is bad
The choco Mooncake with liquors.
Whisky, Red wine, Mango
Labels: You're the person i only want even if the world collapse
9/09/2009 07:10:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Sipping tea at Canele with a cake, seems so relaxing on a monday afternoon.
Met Khim knwing he wld be late I took my very own sweet time stil I was early. Had Ayam penyet for lunch and met darling to get my coSmetics but sadly the eyeliner is out of stock, halfway till bankruptcy.
So while waiting for his parents to come,we r having tea at Paragon.. Shall treasure today well with him before our busy days come again.
Sometimes I jus don understand why ppl doesn't appreciates efforts done and shown and I hate it.
.
9/07/2009 03:16:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I had a bad bad bad nightmare, zombies, leaving me, clubbings.
Okay, its still giving me creeps.
Finally got back to slp, BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR the damn drilling went. The whole family got woke up. The drillings is so fcuking irritating.
Luckily, i am heading out soon. And khim even forgot that he was meeting me and just went happily for training. Finally i can go to Tangs to get my cosmetics which spells bankrupt-NESS. Dinner with his parents which seems 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 days weeks ago since i had dinner with them.
Tml's family day and we are gonna head to the connecting island nearby :D
Yesterday acc-ed dear jieyu to pasir ris farmway and me & sis fell in love with the toy poodle. Went home and gt parents down BUTTT mum disagree as no one gonna look after it. it took us 2hrs to decide and den head to grandma's place for dinner. OH damn, we were so near to getting it. But still its a lifetime commitment and i guess that's just a temporary interest and they were right we cant even take care of ourselves let alone a dog.
9/07/2009 10:46:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I don like i don like i done like.
I don like it when you show me coldness i don like it when i knw u have stop loving me i don like it when u show u are tired of me i don like when u leave me alone i don like when you doesnt text me back knwing we are having cold wars i don like it when u don wanna talk things out i don like it when i knw u arnt the same old you anymore.
no matter how many i don like, but u still could turn it all into a like just i a sec. WHY.
It hurts to see the present being squashed all the way on the bottom with yr heavy books all stacked above. It hurts.
Knwing the time tgt is alrdy so little but yet we wld rather have cold wars and quarrels and just ignoring each other. It hurts deeply, real deep but i had to be strong to brave it through
Went to Jy's place and we head out for breakfast and then guitar heros agaain. Its so funn. Took a bus down to SIM but he ended early so we met halfway and headed back home. Cousin is staying over for the night as Aunt is out of town.
I appreciate the beautiful night alt it wasnt just the 2 of us but u showered me with yr love, silly faces & you staying with me. There is why you leave me always in a dilemia, Hot & cold, Hot & Cold. So unsure whether isit still love or? But still, i love tonight with those silly faces, those touches those sweet little pecks. It meant everything to me.
But stil i cldnt gather the courage and sit down and say Lets have a talk. Bcus i knw i wld get disappointment in e end. I wish one day we cld say things all out and treasure the love that took us everything to build it up.
Bucs you are the only one who could turn my grey skies blue.
New hair cut
The love tat we had was never easy to come.
Honey = Bee
Bee = Honey
:DDD
9/05/2009 10:20:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
it doesnt feels good.
i lost control once again, i regretted. Blewing todays mthsary up, we were suppose to catch a movie. I tot that i still had tml. That day when he mentioned he had training in e morning,i comfort myself that i had the rest of the day with him. Its a FRIDAY, our always tgt day. But i understand he has his projects to complete. All i wanted for some words or assurance from him, but no he jus remain silence.
I passed him the present and yeah to what i expected. He open up and den place it in his bag after. Ask me if i was upset, no i wasnt.
I had to control the whole day after hearing not having him ard. Since that day we hadnt even spend real quality time tgt. Yet again its always me complaining of all this. It hurts.
After recieving those hurting msges, i was speechless. i guess the most hurting is to knw how yr guy has stop loving you or get tired of you. I nvr knew i wld be included in the stresses in him. I'm trying so hard day by day, but to avail. I'm proud of myself turning into a independent lady, able to do things on my own. But i realise how tiring it is, i still wish i cld have someone i cld depend on like the past. Someone there for me, someone telling me its ok when i cry.
no words can describe how i really miss the past.
i feel happy now, for myself my family. But how strong a person is, there is also a need to slow down isnt it ? i sat down watching trains passby, tears flow & flow, it reminded me that everyone do still loves me. Alt the man who once loves me has stop loving me, its okay, i had memories, it hurts but i knw i still can brave through all. I've been trying for a mth to be the old us to enter his heart once again, knwing hw i wld fail so badly. I nvr thought of gaving up but just try and try. Perhaps it would irritates him..
It really hurts real bad.
I had never felt like this before, i dont knw hw am i to handle al this. All i cld do is jus cry and cry.
Love makes one so vulnerable. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. The day when u realise you arnt who you are anymore, its too late
9/03/2009 10:03:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
just gotten my heart checkup half done, while waiting enjoying a cup of java chip at starbucks and blogging with my dear E71.
Checkups seriously do sucks, after EG scan and den treadmill run which kills me and den ultrasound. I tot I was done but no,the gal came over and told me 2 head down for my X-ray and den review after 2pm again before he refer me to the lungs specialist. Well, well.. when he qns al kind of cancers,diabetes,heart problems, my family history do hav all of them.
Luckily daddy send me dwn but hav to leave for meeting reluctantly. He was rather worried and repeating so many times call him if there's anything ok? But no money call mummy. Hahas. Most embarrassing I hav to face later by paying with mixture of nets and credit. Total bill would be thousand more!
This is really the first time I'm all alone for such a complicated checkup. Getting X-ray all done on my own. Yes, I feel so proud of myself today. Alt daddy did ask what is Khim doing now why din he come with you.. I darnt say he was gyming. I kept quiet and den mutter he has his appt. Ask me if I was upset he wasn't here? No, I wasn't. Don't ask me why bcus i don't knw either.
Anyway I am jus so proud of myself.
The always scare of everything mar has grown up.
Thumbs up
9/03/2009 11:52:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
i havent been updating for very long, after closing the previous blog. Well, i need somewhere where i can store all my memories due to my highly STM. This past one mth has pass so quickly with many changes. At times i still do cry myself to slp, i knw it doesnt helps anything but at least i feel better waking up the nx day. I keep things all in my heart, when it overfloods, i cry it all out.. It gets better :D
I'm glad during this period i hav catch up with many of my dear frens, met up with all time bestie Fang Yi ydae. She's one fren tt even though we can don meet for ages but still remain the same and even closer unlike others. Even met up with Azura and Mazuin jus weeks back. Catched up with Jieyu on a sat afternoon. Pri sch mates for Fabian's bdae. So much so much more.
But i've been missing out much frm bestestloves.
This period of time makes me realise how i cld really still stand alone. But at times i really do still get tired longing for someone i cld still rely and lied on.
Tml i will be going for my heart checkup alone. The first time going on such a big checkup alone, i do get jitters but a little voice in me tells me i am brave and i can do it.
I shall update bits by bits one day :)
Stupid me broke my damn long nails al the way in to the flesh and bleeded like fcuk, and nw i have to wrapped it up when i bath or touches water. SHYTS
Despite rushing this and struggling tru the financial crisis period, i still managed to brave this out. I dont knw whether would he be happy or appreciate this. I've expected the outcome of him recieving this. Well, i shldnt be disappointed bcus i knw deep in i've tried my very best and put in all the love and effort while doing this. It may means nth or jus something small or cheap, but definitly it contains more then memories but love.
HAPPY 28mthsary.
Labels: i do still wish you to be here when i need you
9/02/2009 10:08:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Our bao bao
Where has all the sweetness linger to
