Simplicity♥
Simplicity | Eternal | Love | Life | You
Monday, November 30, 2009
Time really does flies.
My special day is over and am struggling to pass this 2weeks of consecutive flooded lab tests and exams and quizes and FYP.
It all sucks and i hate being so stressed up.
It has been weeks since i havent had a good slp, have been slping for less then 6hrs. This yr bday was so simple but still it was memorable.
It all started on the eve with classmates going for lunch and we got all stucked in the lift, it was the first time and so memorable. Appreciate for the lunch treat and cake. And apologies to everyone for missing half the lecture.
Next was meet up cousin and then FY, we walked ard and chilled. Khim came over and picked me home. He went to find a slice of cake and went home to sing for me :))
Sis stayed up too just for me too. :)
woke up pretty early with less then 5hrs of slp and i was hopping mad when khim was late to pick me. Adding on the mom at home wished me in a so unreluctant way. But it was all cool. Had breakfast at PS cafe cartel and had to head to Taka Cocca to meet the family for lunch.
After lunch we went for a walk to ION and trained to Orchard Central. It was time so khim & i had to leave for airport to picked his dad up. We headed home and spent the rest of the night home. It was kinda bad and we fought bcus i was kinda mad about the morning. Oh he tricked me into giving me a earpiece for my bday but due to the fight he had to let me knw what the rest of the present was. It was really bad that i din wanna talk or continue and told him to just cool down before talking if not he would start blabbering lotsa harsh words.
Everything ended nicely, we went for dinner nearby and headed home. I really so tired.
Oh and khim's mum gave me a hongbao this year but the sad thing i din even get to open it at all. Khim dropped it frm his pocket :(
Anyway its alright, perhaps it wasnt meant to be mine.
This few days was extremely loved. Sat morning had to get up so early again for work. Khim came to fetch me to work. It was tiring but the pay was worth it all ! Was so tired out , headed back to his place, showered and took a nap. We head home to get some stuffs before heading to Jas's place for BBQ org by ben.
it was nice but weird without Dan & yun. We headed back home early as he has early training on sun. Woke up early again as he had to head for training and send me home.
Yday he picked me up and head to his place. Dinner was with his family and Uncle's family as his uncle wanted to give a treat. After dinner we went down to airport and then Cheesecake Cafe with Dan, Van and Sa. 2nd time i saw poor dan cried and i felt really heartache that i was at the verge at tearing. It was really really so hurting to see dan like this.
And it made me treasure the love we had more.
The time is coming closer, baby will be leaving for Penang soon. Alt i had already started accepting the fact but at every hear of it i still get some weird feelings here and there
:(
:(
:(
when we got stucked
<3
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I can't believe I am turning 20 in 2days time.
But I have no anticipation or excitement.
I used to look forward to bdays bcus I love bdays celebration.
But this yr it just doesn't feels right !!
Somehow it seems like its a normal friday.
Perhaps its due to the overwhelming stress Frm lab tests and exams for following 2weeks. And I rly need time
but I do appreciate those who have asked to celebrate for me but I'm just so busy and pack!
So I cld only make a slot on thursday night.
I rly do appreciate and thanks. I have rly been finding time to fit in as well.
11/25/2009 07:31:00 AM
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I'm tired
i wished i had more time.
Lab test, Free access, FYP, MST.
Everything seems to be crashing down now, i feel so stressful.
Esp at this moment this few little weeks and days i wished to spend all the time i have with khim before he leave for Penang but it seems tough. Lab test are all next week, MST are coming.
i need time time time.
I don feel any excitement to my bday, it doesnt seems to have any special feeling or rather i wished it has alrdy passed. Soon to Christmas and khim's bday bcus he is already back from Penang. For the very first time, he isnt there with me on the eve on my bday for any pre celebration and he was nvr the first to be with me on my bday.
The first time during exam period he isnt here to motivate me. No one to stay though the late night with me, no one to motivate me to study quick just to go to bed tgt.
I don rly wished to think about it but i knw its reality we always have to face. the earlier u faced it the fastest u wld b able to pass through it.
I knw that it doesnt matters to him, im not exactly that priority and that important to him. I always had to plead him for time and time and physically.
Its tiring. Very.
Everyone need to have their importance felt.
i miss stayovers.
I don wanna breakdown at this moment because of insufficient time, but instead make better use of it.
i gotta be strong bcus there are still friends out there supporting me even if it isnt you.
11/24/2009 09:33:00 AM
Monday, November 23, 2009
Congrats to my wonderful great honey.
For getting 3 "gold" cookies this year.
It was so overjoying that i felt so emotional and wanting to cry at every thought of it. Somehow it feels that those early morning wake ups, him getting tired, us fighting quarreling all bcus of time was al paid off !
It was somethin really worth for
After him winning, he was really sweet coming to me telling me sorry that he has been neglecting me and how he had did it for me. Repeatedly telling me thanks and flooding me with huggs. I was deeply touched.
He brought me for his post dinner, his teammates was really nice and friendly. Alt baby as usual when gets excited he leaves me all alone. But it wasnt that bad afterall.
After SRR i felt rather emotional and i'm missing him really badly and really wanting him badly
:(
Thanks Baby,
I ♥ you
11/23/2009 09:08:00 AM
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Doesnt feels good :(
My old ailment is back again. My back is now giving me very big problem, it hurts so much tt it affects my appetite and everything i do. My temper is like extremely bad bcus it is rly killing me.
i need to go for a massage real badly but there just isnt anytime. Tml ? Cant bcus of baby, shld i just go ahead and not meet him ? i knw i wont do that .
The whole day was spent going ard looking for blings, went to Arab street. Poor dad was jus driving us and following us. Dropped me at UOB waited for baby to end and his fren drove us to woodlands. I AM SUPPER BAD . i din even went down to support see him row. BOOS
It was a short time tgt, for the first time after so long. I went home alone :( i knw he is tired but naturally it was rather upset bcus i rly wanted to spend time tgt. Adding on the killing back ache. Mummy said i was so guai going home alone for the first time.
SIGH,
it affected my night.
i don wish to go rake it up and just let it pass
11/21/2009 09:50:00 PM
Time flies, with realising its the 3rd Regartta i've been with baby already.
Stil remembering, the 1st one was on our mthsary. Being a bad gf i din went to support him. Last yr i went on both days. The last day my whole family went, dad drove him to shower and had my bday dinner. Last yr was what i had so been looking forward to with all his promises but back to square one i am still going all this this year
This yr i wil be going as usual on the last race as always. He has such a bad gf hur, bcus i hate being ard with so many "foreigners" This yr is gonna b so much diff, no more with SP and gonna be with so many strangers.
Tonight we are gonna have dnr with his parents as we havent been eating with them the whole week and his dad is going abroad again tml. It Irene's 21st bday i cant find anytime to go down, i feel rather bad :( Hope she likes the bday gift from us.
Tml after the race he has his post race team dinner, i was still whining to him yday tt his always with me after his every race. Well, after being selfish for 2yrs i guess i have to follow him with many "strangers".
But now he has been very nice whenever bring me along to such events, he wld hold on to me not leaving me alone unlike the past. HOWEVER the very bad gf of him always leave him alone whenever i bring him along for events.
BUT its diff luh, he cld always entertain himself.
Whenever i'm left alone with strangers i wld b all alone and so quiet wishing i cld dig a hole in.
Unbelievable right? when i'm someone so noisy !
But this is one great phobia of mine , i hate being ard strangers all alone.
Sometimes u are so destestable so irritating, i hate you to the core but in the end i love you like crazy. Each time i get irritated by things you do i curse and swear but bottom line the love we had always overcomes it all.its so amazing each time i think how we cld come so far. It all started so sweet so loving, so fairytale. Moving on to hell each day, quarrels, fights, that we got so tired of each other tt you gave up on me once. yes, til now i stil cant bring myself to think back of that night. The hurtful words you always blurt to me each quarrels. i hated you for that.But each time we talk about the future the all waiting day that i have been urging for i felt happy i felt warm. i wish time cld fly but if you think, the time in fact isnt very long. We have to treasure this short period of time now before moving on to the next beginning step of our life.What we had was nvr easy to come, we tolerated each other misgivings. you tolerated my unstandable childish temper, i tolerated yr bad hot temper. I had to accept for who you are which was so tough and i'm sure you had to too.Each time i wldnt wan any unhappiness to affect us alt i stil cant brin myself to trust you after all the happenings. But deep down somehow there seems to be the trust somewhere. Just simply you cld make me smile with jus a sweet text frm you and made my day.But hand in hand, we will make it through and walk the rest of our life tgt.Love means forgiving and to accept the one you love.
Family that make me detest them so much at times but its when you are sick they are always there for you.
Its the hidden love
11/21/2009 08:54:00 AM
A brave Girl :D
Friday, November 20, 2009
I'm so glad and happy with myself tt i am such a brave girl *Thumbs Up*
Everything was so quick i din even had the time to wait. Dad drove us down, mum was waiting all along outside. Khim? he came while i was inside, boo hoos. He fell back asleep when he woke up earlier den me
Anyway it was kinda scary cus i was surrounded by nurses but they were all so friendly. It was totally somehow like a surgery. Regular blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen and needle inserted into my hand. It was the injection that was eww but knwing i was afraid, the nurse was nice to hold me and talk to me. Before i knew it i was asleep, when i woke up it felt extremely uncomfortable. My stomach felt painful, had gastric, nauseous and my anus hurts so much. Doc said my piles was too small to tie so now i have to be watching my diet and take more fibre.
We were suppose to catch a movie or and walk ard but i cldnt take it even breakfast at Mac was terrible. Fell asleep all the way home, we both had a nice shower followed by facial mask :) Pastamania delivery for lunch and we slept for 3hrs. I felt so good after the sleep :D
The whole day was nice with baby company. Esp cuddling tgt, playing fb, having lunch dinner and also me throwing silly tantrums demanding him to spend more time with me bcus tml we r having dnr with his parents and sun he has team dinner. I knw i have been complaining that now again his teammates are like everything to him BUT i do feel a tiny little jealousy unhappiness but it isnt that bad luh. He does stil spend time with me EXCPT still showing that i am 2nd :(
i am just very not happy he is going to Penang and leaving me all alone in spore :(
BIG SIGH
Anyway, Jiayous to baby and his team tml. And bring a gold cookie back :D
Of cus to SP too :D
11/20/2009 10:58:00 PM
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I don fcuking give a Damn.
If u tel me to bloody think for you pls do it yrself.
If I don mean anything to u den thanks
U always make me realise so damn much things and its forever when u make me build up all the trust for you. you hurt me like shit each time. Expecting me to make the first move, expecting me to talk to you, hoax you.
what is this?
You are the one who make me love you so deeply but yet .. the one who nvr fail to hurt me so much.
Now, tel me what to do..
11/18/2009 06:10:00 PM
I don fcuking give a Damn.
If u tel me to bloody think for you pls do it yrself.
If I don mean anything to u den thanks
U always make me realise so damn much things and its forever when u make me build up all the trust for you. you hurt me like shit each time. Expecting me to make the first move, expecting me to talk to you, hoax you.
what is this?
You are the one who make me love you so deeply but yet .. the one who nvr fail to hurt me so much.
Now, tel me what to do..
11/18/2009 06:10:00 PM
I thought I was just able to always forget things or just close one eyes but yet again each time i discover somethin new.
And forever it always seems that there is things to hide for me..
It hurts when I started building the trust all up again and u blew it
I'm feeling sick sick of this bloody 2 weekends how long more do I have to give in and wait.
Ah Fcuk it.
11/18/2009 05:04:00 PM
Gross:skip if u wished
Monday, November 16, 2009
Back from a short relaxing getaway.
But i'm so hell unlucky, Gotten piles the moment we step home. I was so shock and scared.. It was so gross, uncomfy and painful. Rush to the clinic and i nearly enter death. After the doc pushed it back it was really hell painful. And to knw it is there forever so it may come out again and i have to push it back. How wld the hell i dare to push it back myself. Now i am still feeling uncomfort esp when i feel like shitting but i cant force else the piles will be pushed out. I hope it has shrink back. i have been drowning water down and down bcus i my stools cant get harden .
Sigh, its really a huge burden esp a person like me who cant stand discomfort and pain.
But i keep telling myself this is parts and parcel of life.
Decided to go for a scope this fri,thurs i wil be camping at home to clear my system and head for scope on fri. See what the doc says whether shld i remove it as well alt it wil be fcukign pain with MC for 2weeks and sitting on tyres. I have to brave through this.
Anyway Malacca has changed tremendously. the traffic there is really so bad tt its practically jam everywhere. *phew* luckily we have passed it . But the moment we enter spore custom ydae i felt stress! i wished i was stil in malacca as it was really stress worry-free. I din had to worry about this and that and it really felt so carefree!
EXcpt for the traffic and the hotel which was so argh. its jus me i guess jus like daddy said even if we was staying in shangri la u wil stil be slping with sleeping bag. HA!
The hot weather and less intake of water bcus there isnt home water cus the piles i guess.
i had much fun, shopping was damn tiring. Isnt much loots but gd food !
After 3 days without baby was still alright, alt it feels kinda weird without him ard looking after me, eating my food for me,controlling my spending and esp in the car no warm shoulders to hold me to slp, no sharing of starbucks esp ! But it wasnt that bad luh.
O yeah, Friday night was superb !
we finished the martell and had other drinks, danced, played games. I kept losing hence i drank super fast in e end i felt like vomitting but cldnt and the moment i open the door I vomitted at the doorstep ! run to the bathroom cldnt controlled and vomitted all over !
parents cleaned up for me and i headed to bed. woke up 2 hrs later for malacca trip. amazing huh, just 2hrs of slp i cld still be so active.
11/16/2009 01:24:00 PM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
3 Days without khim by side. I think its tml that its tough bcus its a friday and further more going to club without him sending me home.
Sigghhh
But its nice of him to bring me to get my body shop stuffs and lunch. He came over after training,slept like a baby and headed downstairs for some light gym. So i jus sat there enjoying the macho him.
I cant wait for monday to see him :D
Today was 3rd yr assembly, was ultra bored and the so called "pizza" was jus oily kfc chicken. Taste horrible and i hate kfc.
By the time i got home was already 8plus.
i jus don understand why sometimes things are jus so freaking unfair. What exactly is a home?
11/12/2009 09:38:00 PM
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
i have been thinking so much, i know i have always been thinking lahs.
First while on the train home just now, MST is coming. Means ? holidays are coming. Then it will be soon final exam and tt is the end of poly life. I hate those parting times. This 3 yrs have been so memorable with the cliques, so much fun times we been through. I'm starting to feel it already. im gonna miss those fun study times, disturbing each other,pinching nipples,dirty joke, random jokes, etc. Sigh.
but this is part of life i knw, everyone stil have to move on.
what i can do is treasure this few mths together and part happily and many of them will be going to army already.
This november have been pretty tough, lotsa "away". khim will b going for camp while i will be going to msia for a short getaway. This time we arnt gng tgt :( Everyone is asking me, it does adds on much sadness. Anyway he wldnt even be bothered by it but much more happier in spore without me and enjoying his bonding training camp. It all tunes back to those days where he was always available whenever, i miss Genting days where he take cares of me so well. Esp overseas, he takes extra care of me. whenever i get so excited with those shopping he wil follow me ard lest i get lost.
So when will be our next ?
I'm sure its pretty hard now, with his so COMMITED never ending db.
Ydae liyun was saying how busy he is to celebrate my bday tgt. So we are gng drinking this fri without him. It is SAD lahs. Alt he always give lotsa excuse to escape frm drinking and clubbing, this time i wil jus go myself without him. i do feel sad and want him to b with me protecting me. sigh. What can i do. Its his commited never ending db.
After waiting 2yrs, i have to hold on and wait another 2more years. After that ?
So now i am trying to buck up again and learn to go everywhere WITHOUT him like i use to be able to.
So this coming weekend i am gonna enjoy to fullest !
Dec he wil be going for Penang race, can i say tt i don wan him to ?
He wont even if i ask him not to.
Everything is jus accepting learning and givingg.
days and things will move on much easier
Despite how bad how selfish he is, i still could brave through each day trying to forget all the misgivings . Because i knw i love him.
And i always believe that he does love me.
Alt ppl are telling how unhealthy, how bad it is gonna b, i refuse to listen or do anythign about it bcus deep down i knw we do still love each other and we will brave it through. Giving up is never a route.
i thought our tough hard days are over but it seems even tougher ahead but whether are you willing to hold on tight and never let go, i never knw.
Tml is the day to spend tgt before 4 god days being apart :(
But suddenly khim gotta work til afternoon, its okay. Surprising i don feel much disappointment bcus its work, we can still have the rest of the afternoon and night :)
Christmas my most favourite festival is coming , *jumps* :D
11/10/2009 10:34:00 PM
sometimes I wonder isit that I have already gotten numb or just learn to forgive and accept.
Every november I dread it so much but this year seems even worst. I'm trying to adapt very slowly and also yes TRUST.
Sigh, but everything needs 2 hands to clap right.
Its though I wasn't part of his life for the past few mths, esp fb and no wonder I got stalked !
=.=
Wanting to fetch me to school , OMG this is giving me creeps.
Even on msn. Oh my !
11/10/2009 09:59:00 AM
somehow I wish there isn't any november but just december straight.
11/10/2009 12:00:00 AM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
i have been so lazy to blog or no mood i guess.
Anyway, on 031109 it wa the 30mths. It was hell through the day and den he came to sch to surprise me with a bouquet of flowers. it hurts me even more to think that a flower can jus please me and forget everything ? And then to even hurt more, he mention tt he is gng to rest and training ltr.
i was hopping mad and upset, i jus left the flowers right behind and even urge to jus dump it ! further more after sending him angry texts, he din even reply as though he doesnt bothers ! Sch end, i cheered myself up, joke with classmates and decided to train back tgt with em. While walking, someone placed his hand on my shoulder. Yes, it was a trick to make me angry.
I knw he blames me for making him choose between training and me. And the talked back home was horrible. I knw he was letting me knw his feelings towards db. But it feels as though it was a comparism between me and db. Esp hw he mentions if he come to me he is letting his brothers down. Its totally diff case isnt it ? Sigh, i don wish to bring this up again bcus every thought of it makes me feels so shit esp the part where it reminds me of hw he assures i'm his first priority.
Anyway, we went to had Marche, shopping and headed back home. i appreciated that night.
Wed was FYP panel, it was filled with much jitters and all. The intv was so sudden and we were shot down by 3 machine guns. After e intv for the first time, we felt so emo-ed. It was rly so bad tt spinnovex seems so far away frm us. Khim came to fetch me frm sch and we wen Central for his sis advanced bdae dinner. We had as usual hairy crab, it was a wonderful dnr but the bill was even wonderful. It costed 110$ per pax. My jaw dropped !
thurs khim was nice to pick me for lunch and den sch knwing i din had lunch. After sch was meet up with bec & char. We headed to ION & while shopping , bec's phone gt pick pocketed. Well, but she was all calm. We had dinner and starbucks, cam whoring like idiots. Much fun, esp in the toilet like nobody business. Baby came to picked me home and it was rather late :X
Fri after training baby came to pick me for breakfast. Can u imagine my boy had MC Griddles, Big Breakfast and Hotcakes for breakfast ? He went for his appt and headed back home after tt. Poor gal skins had rashes again, we waited for his Dad to pick us to the pet clinic. Night was dinner at 515A with his aunt and cousin.
Today we are not spending anytime tgt, he has training in the morning and IPPT in the evening ltr. Night we are heading to charles big 21st bdae party. Another one more week and baby's gonna b away frm me for god 3days. I knw its nth luh. But, i'm stil moving and learning hard to trust him bit by bit and i pray hard this time it wont get broken again.
11/07/2009 01:59:00 PM
Monday, November 2, 2009
s Alright, i'm still aint in the mood to upload, yx's bdae and others.
On a side note, i've finally gotten my precious E71 but den tie down by a $300 loan frm dad. I knw i shld b appreciative that he paid 300 for me already.
Sat met dan and went to help him for his work and head down to SIM to meet khim after his paper. SOOO while waiting for the phone to arrive, DAMN, we quarrelled all cause of clubbing and drinking what else. It sucks.
Sun had to wait on standby as always for his training to end. He came and join us for lunch and the family headed to town. We headed home and dinner was Fish and Co with his family.
Now FYP is causing so much stress, all packed up and rushed in this whole week. Barely any much time with khim since last week, Now his exam has end, its another sucky week. Today was suppose to celebrate after his exam but i got stuck up with FYP til 5, we had dinner with Dan and headed home. It was barely 9 !
To think tml is
30mths but so ? it doesnt matters isnt it. I wont be meeting khim bcus of FYP, after school he has training. Both of us know so well what isit i want. Yes, i wished i could see him after school and spent the night tgt. It upset and happy him telling me its 30mths tml. But so what? we wont be celebrating or seeing each other isnt it ? Trainings are so much more impt, i'm starting to get upset and sick of all those trainings. Tue morning night, Thur morning night, Fri morning, Sat morning, Sun morning afternoon. It seems never ever ending. Ever since, we have been spending so much lesser time tgt, no more late nights out, no more stayover. Each time i cant help but remind myself of those words he said of how he wont be commited, how he wil place me as priority how he would put me first if there is training. Yet none of this words are kept. Jus one day away jus forever seems so hard
Sigh.
i knw how upset how unhappy but i still have to swallow down and forget the next day. At the very least all i wish for is to feel my importance on the impt day.
Ok, Poor khim jus told me that he scratched the car and realised he left his paddle at SDBA. He must be feeling extremely upset and down now.
I wish i cld have the money to get 1 new paddle for him.
But,
useless me.
11/02/2009 09:08:00 PM
Time really does flies.
My special day is over and am struggling to pass this 2weeks of consecutive flooded lab tests and exams and quizes and FYP.
It all sucks and i hate being so stressed up.
It has been weeks since i havent had a good slp, have been slping for less then 6hrs. This yr bday was so simple but still it was memorable.
It all started on the eve with classmates going for lunch and we got all stucked in the lift, it was the first time and so memorable. Appreciate for the lunch treat and cake. And apologies to everyone for missing half the lecture.
Next was meet up cousin and then FY, we walked ard and chilled. Khim came over and picked me home. He went to find a slice of cake and went home to sing for me :))
Sis stayed up too just for me too. :)
woke up pretty early with less then 5hrs of slp and i was hopping mad when khim was late to pick me. Adding on the mom at home wished me in a so unreluctant way. But it was all cool. Had breakfast at PS cafe cartel and had to head to Taka Cocca to meet the family for lunch.
After lunch we went for a walk to ION and trained to Orchard Central. It was time so khim & i had to leave for airport to picked his dad up. We headed home and spent the rest of the night home. It was kinda bad and we fought bcus i was kinda mad about the morning. Oh he tricked me into giving me a earpiece for my bday but due to the fight he had to let me knw what the rest of the present was. It was really bad that i din wanna talk or continue and told him to just cool down before talking if not he would start blabbering lotsa harsh words.
Everything ended nicely, we went for dinner nearby and headed home. I really so tired.
Oh and khim's mum gave me a hongbao this year but the sad thing i din even get to open it at all. Khim dropped it frm his pocket :(
Anyway its alright, perhaps it wasnt meant to be mine.
This few days was extremely loved. Sat morning had to get up so early again for work. Khim came to fetch me to work. It was tiring but the pay was worth it all ! Was so tired out , headed back to his place, showered and took a nap. We head home to get some stuffs before heading to Jas's place for BBQ org by ben.
it was nice but weird without Dan & yun. We headed back home early as he has early training on sun. Woke up early again as he had to head for training and send me home.
Yday he picked me up and head to his place. Dinner was with his family and Uncle's family as his uncle wanted to give a treat. After dinner we went down to airport and then Cheesecake Cafe with Dan, Van and Sa. 2nd time i saw poor dan cried and i felt really heartache that i was at the verge at tearing. It was really really so hurting to see dan like this.
And it made me treasure the love we had more.
The time is coming closer, baby will be leaving for Penang soon. Alt i had already started accepting the fact but at every hear of it i still get some weird feelings here and there
:(
:(
:(
when we got stucked
<3
//
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I can't believe I am turning 20 in 2days time.
But I have no anticipation or excitement.
I used to look forward to bdays bcus I love bdays celebration.
But this yr it just doesn't feels right !!
Somehow it seems like its a normal friday.
Perhaps its due to the overwhelming stress Frm lab tests and exams for following 2weeks. And I rly need time
but I do appreciate those who have asked to celebrate for me but I'm just so busy and pack!
So I cld only make a slot on thursday night.
I rly do appreciate and thanks. I have rly been finding time to fit in as well.
11/25/2009 07:31:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I'm tired
i wished i had more time.
Lab test, Free access, FYP, MST.
Everything seems to be crashing down now, i feel so stressful.
Esp at this moment this few little weeks and days i wished to spend all the time i have with khim before he leave for Penang but it seems tough. Lab test are all next week, MST are coming.
i need time time time.
I don feel any excitement to my bday, it doesnt seems to have any special feeling or rather i wished it has alrdy passed. Soon to Christmas and khim's bday bcus he is already back from Penang. For the very first time, he isnt there with me on the eve on my bday for any pre celebration and he was nvr the first to be with me on my bday.
The first time during exam period he isnt here to motivate me. No one to stay though the late night with me, no one to motivate me to study quick just to go to bed tgt.
I don rly wished to think about it but i knw its reality we always have to face. the earlier u faced it the fastest u wld b able to pass through it.
I knw that it doesnt matters to him, im not exactly that priority and that important to him. I always had to plead him for time and time and physically.
Its tiring. Very.
Everyone need to have their importance felt.
i miss stayovers.
I don wanna breakdown at this moment because of insufficient time, but instead make better use of it.
i gotta be strong bcus there are still friends out there supporting me even if it isnt you.
11/24/2009 09:33:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Congrats to my wonderful great honey.
For getting 3 "gold" cookies this year.
It was so overjoying that i felt so emotional and wanting to cry at every thought of it. Somehow it feels that those early morning wake ups, him getting tired, us fighting quarreling all bcus of time was al paid off !
It was somethin really worth for
After him winning, he was really sweet coming to me telling me sorry that he has been neglecting me and how he had did it for me. Repeatedly telling me thanks and flooding me with huggs. I was deeply touched.
He brought me for his post dinner, his teammates was really nice and friendly. Alt baby as usual when gets excited he leaves me all alone. But it wasnt that bad afterall.
After SRR i felt rather emotional and i'm missing him really badly and really wanting him badly
:(
Thanks Baby,
I ♥ you
11/23/2009 09:08:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Doesnt feels good :(
My old ailment is back again. My back is now giving me very big problem, it hurts so much tt it affects my appetite and everything i do. My temper is like extremely bad bcus it is rly killing me.
i need to go for a massage real badly but there just isnt anytime. Tml ? Cant bcus of baby, shld i just go ahead and not meet him ? i knw i wont do that .
The whole day was spent going ard looking for blings, went to Arab street. Poor dad was jus driving us and following us. Dropped me at UOB waited for baby to end and his fren drove us to woodlands. I AM SUPPER BAD . i din even went down to support see him row. BOOS
It was a short time tgt, for the first time after so long. I went home alone :( i knw he is tired but naturally it was rather upset bcus i rly wanted to spend time tgt. Adding on the killing back ache. Mummy said i was so guai going home alone for the first time.
SIGH,
it affected my night.
i don wish to go rake it up and just let it pass
11/21/2009 09:50:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Time flies, with realising its the 3rd Regartta i've been with baby already.
Stil remembering, the 1st one was on our mthsary. Being a bad gf i din went to support him. Last yr i went on both days. The last day my whole family went, dad drove him to shower and had my bday dinner. Last yr was what i had so been looking forward to with all his promises but back to square one i am still going all this this year
This yr i wil be going as usual on the last race as always. He has such a bad gf hur, bcus i hate being ard with so many "foreigners" This yr is gonna b so much diff, no more with SP and gonna be with so many strangers.
Tonight we are gonna have dnr with his parents as we havent been eating with them the whole week and his dad is going abroad again tml. It Irene's 21st bday i cant find anytime to go down, i feel rather bad :( Hope she likes the bday gift from us.
Tml after the race he has his post race team dinner, i was still whining to him yday tt his always with me after his every race. Well, after being selfish for 2yrs i guess i have to follow him with many "strangers".
But now he has been very nice whenever bring me along to such events, he wld hold on to me not leaving me alone unlike the past. HOWEVER the very bad gf of him always leave him alone whenever i bring him along for events.
BUT its diff luh, he cld always entertain himself.
Whenever i'm left alone with strangers i wld b all alone and so quiet wishing i cld dig a hole in.
Unbelievable right? when i'm someone so noisy !
But this is one great phobia of mine , i hate being ard strangers all alone.
Sometimes u are so destestable so irritating, i hate you to the core but in the end i love you like crazy. Each time i get irritated by things you do i curse and swear but bottom line the love we had always overcomes it all.its so amazing each time i think how we cld come so far. It all started so sweet so loving, so fairytale. Moving on to hell each day, quarrels, fights, that we got so tired of each other tt you gave up on me once. yes, til now i stil cant bring myself to think back of that night. The hurtful words you always blurt to me each quarrels. i hated you for that.But each time we talk about the future the all waiting day that i have been urging for i felt happy i felt warm. i wish time cld fly but if you think, the time in fact isnt very long. We have to treasure this short period of time now before moving on to the next beginning step of our life.What we had was nvr easy to come, we tolerated each other misgivings. you tolerated my unstandable childish temper, i tolerated yr bad hot temper. I had to accept for who you are which was so tough and i'm sure you had to too.Each time i wldnt wan any unhappiness to affect us alt i stil cant brin myself to trust you after all the happenings. But deep down somehow there seems to be the trust somewhere. Just simply you cld make me smile with jus a sweet text frm you and made my day.But hand in hand, we will make it through and walk the rest of our life tgt.Love means forgiving and to accept the one you love.
Family that make me detest them so much at times but its when you are sick they are always there for you.
Its the hidden love
11/21/2009 08:54:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
A brave Girl :D
I'm so glad and happy with myself tt i am such a brave girl *Thumbs Up*
Everything was so quick i din even had the time to wait. Dad drove us down, mum was waiting all along outside. Khim? he came while i was inside, boo hoos. He fell back asleep when he woke up earlier den me
Anyway it was kinda scary cus i was surrounded by nurses but they were all so friendly. It was totally somehow like a surgery. Regular blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen and needle inserted into my hand. It was the injection that was eww but knwing i was afraid, the nurse was nice to hold me and talk to me. Before i knew it i was asleep, when i woke up it felt extremely uncomfortable. My stomach felt painful, had gastric, nauseous and my anus hurts so much. Doc said my piles was too small to tie so now i have to be watching my diet and take more fibre.
We were suppose to catch a movie or and walk ard but i cldnt take it even breakfast at Mac was terrible. Fell asleep all the way home, we both had a nice shower followed by facial mask :) Pastamania delivery for lunch and we slept for 3hrs. I felt so good after the sleep :D
The whole day was nice with baby company. Esp cuddling tgt, playing fb, having lunch dinner and also me throwing silly tantrums demanding him to spend more time with me bcus tml we r having dnr with his parents and sun he has team dinner. I knw i have been complaining that now again his teammates are like everything to him BUT i do feel a tiny little jealousy unhappiness but it isnt that bad luh. He does stil spend time with me EXCPT still showing that i am 2nd :(
i am just very not happy he is going to Penang and leaving me all alone in spore :(
BIG SIGH
Anyway, Jiayous to baby and his team tml. And bring a gold cookie back :D
Of cus to SP too :D
11/20/2009 10:58:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I don fcuking give a Damn.
If u tel me to bloody think for you pls do it yrself.
If I don mean anything to u den thanks
U always make me realise so damn much things and its forever when u make me build up all the trust for you. you hurt me like shit each time. Expecting me to make the first move, expecting me to talk to you, hoax you.
what is this?
You are the one who make me love you so deeply but yet .. the one who nvr fail to hurt me so much.
Now, tel me what to do..
11/18/2009 06:10:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I don fcuking give a Damn.
If u tel me to bloody think for you pls do it yrself.
If I don mean anything to u den thanks
U always make me realise so damn much things and its forever when u make me build up all the trust for you. you hurt me like shit each time. Expecting me to make the first move, expecting me to talk to you, hoax you.
what is this?
You are the one who make me love you so deeply but yet .. the one who nvr fail to hurt me so much.
Now, tel me what to do..
11/18/2009 06:10:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I thought I was just able to always forget things or just close one eyes but yet again each time i discover somethin new.
And forever it always seems that there is things to hide for me..
It hurts when I started building the trust all up again and u blew it
I'm feeling sick sick of this bloody 2 weekends how long more do I have to give in and wait.
Ah Fcuk it.
11/18/2009 05:04:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
Gross:skip if u wished
Back from a short relaxing getaway.
But i'm so hell unlucky, Gotten piles the moment we step home. I was so shock and scared.. It was so gross, uncomfy and painful. Rush to the clinic and i nearly enter death. After the doc pushed it back it was really hell painful. And to knw it is there forever so it may come out again and i have to push it back. How wld the hell i dare to push it back myself. Now i am still feeling uncomfort esp when i feel like shitting but i cant force else the piles will be pushed out. I hope it has shrink back. i have been drowning water down and down bcus i my stools cant get harden .
Sigh, its really a huge burden esp a person like me who cant stand discomfort and pain.
But i keep telling myself this is parts and parcel of life.
Decided to go for a scope this fri,thurs i wil be camping at home to clear my system and head for scope on fri. See what the doc says whether shld i remove it as well alt it wil be fcukign pain with MC for 2weeks and sitting on tyres. I have to brave through this.
Anyway Malacca has changed tremendously. the traffic there is really so bad tt its practically jam everywhere. *phew* luckily we have passed it . But the moment we enter spore custom ydae i felt stress! i wished i was stil in malacca as it was really stress worry-free. I din had to worry about this and that and it really felt so carefree!
EXcpt for the traffic and the hotel which was so argh. its jus me i guess jus like daddy said even if we was staying in shangri la u wil stil be slping with sleeping bag. HA!
The hot weather and less intake of water bcus there isnt home water cus the piles i guess.
i had much fun, shopping was damn tiring. Isnt much loots but gd food !
After 3 days without baby was still alright, alt it feels kinda weird without him ard looking after me, eating my food for me,controlling my spending and esp in the car no warm shoulders to hold me to slp, no sharing of starbucks esp ! But it wasnt that bad luh.
O yeah, Friday night was superb !
we finished the martell and had other drinks, danced, played games. I kept losing hence i drank super fast in e end i felt like vomitting but cldnt and the moment i open the door I vomitted at the doorstep ! run to the bathroom cldnt controlled and vomitted all over !
parents cleaned up for me and i headed to bed. woke up 2 hrs later for malacca trip. amazing huh, just 2hrs of slp i cld still be so active.
11/16/2009 01:24:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
3 Days without khim by side. I think its tml that its tough bcus its a friday and further more going to club without him sending me home.
Sigghhh
But its nice of him to bring me to get my body shop stuffs and lunch. He came over after training,slept like a baby and headed downstairs for some light gym. So i jus sat there enjoying the macho him.
I cant wait for monday to see him :D
Today was 3rd yr assembly, was ultra bored and the so called "pizza" was jus oily kfc chicken. Taste horrible and i hate kfc.
By the time i got home was already 8plus.
i jus don understand why sometimes things are jus so freaking unfair. What exactly is a home?
11/12/2009 09:38:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
i have been thinking so much, i know i have always been thinking lahs.
First while on the train home just now, MST is coming. Means ? holidays are coming. Then it will be soon final exam and tt is the end of poly life. I hate those parting times. This 3 yrs have been so memorable with the cliques, so much fun times we been through. I'm starting to feel it already. im gonna miss those fun study times, disturbing each other,pinching nipples,dirty joke, random jokes, etc. Sigh.
but this is part of life i knw, everyone stil have to move on.
what i can do is treasure this few mths together and part happily and many of them will be going to army already.
This november have been pretty tough, lotsa "away". khim will b going for camp while i will be going to msia for a short getaway. This time we arnt gng tgt :( Everyone is asking me, it does adds on much sadness. Anyway he wldnt even be bothered by it but much more happier in spore without me and enjoying his bonding training camp. It all tunes back to those days where he was always available whenever, i miss Genting days where he take cares of me so well. Esp overseas, he takes extra care of me. whenever i get so excited with those shopping he wil follow me ard lest i get lost.
So when will be our next ?
I'm sure its pretty hard now, with his so COMMITED never ending db.
Ydae liyun was saying how busy he is to celebrate my bday tgt. So we are gng drinking this fri without him. It is SAD lahs. Alt he always give lotsa excuse to escape frm drinking and clubbing, this time i wil jus go myself without him. i do feel sad and want him to b with me protecting me. sigh. What can i do. Its his commited never ending db.
After waiting 2yrs, i have to hold on and wait another 2more years. After that ?
So now i am trying to buck up again and learn to go everywhere WITHOUT him like i use to be able to.
So this coming weekend i am gonna enjoy to fullest !
Dec he wil be going for Penang race, can i say tt i don wan him to ?
He wont even if i ask him not to.
Everything is jus accepting learning and givingg.
days and things will move on much easier
Despite how bad how selfish he is, i still could brave through each day trying to forget all the misgivings . Because i knw i love him.
And i always believe that he does love me.
Alt ppl are telling how unhealthy, how bad it is gonna b, i refuse to listen or do anythign about it bcus deep down i knw we do still love each other and we will brave it through. Giving up is never a route.
i thought our tough hard days are over but it seems even tougher ahead but whether are you willing to hold on tight and never let go, i never knw.
Tml is the day to spend tgt before 4 god days being apart :(
But suddenly khim gotta work til afternoon, its okay. Surprising i don feel much disappointment bcus its work, we can still have the rest of the afternoon and night :)
Christmas my most favourite festival is coming , *jumps* :D
11/10/2009 10:34:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
sometimes I wonder isit that I have already gotten numb or just learn to forgive and accept.
Every november I dread it so much but this year seems even worst. I'm trying to adapt very slowly and also yes TRUST.
Sigh, but everything needs 2 hands to clap right.
Its though I wasn't part of his life for the past few mths, esp fb and no wonder I got stalked !
=.=
Wanting to fetch me to school , OMG this is giving me creeps.
Even on msn. Oh my !
11/10/2009 09:59:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
somehow I wish there isn't any november but just december straight.
11/10/2009 12:00:00 AM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
i have been so lazy to blog or no mood i guess.
Anyway, on 031109 it wa the 30mths. It was hell through the day and den he came to sch to surprise me with a bouquet of flowers. it hurts me even more to think that a flower can jus please me and forget everything ? And then to even hurt more, he mention tt he is gng to rest and training ltr.
i was hopping mad and upset, i jus left the flowers right behind and even urge to jus dump it ! further more after sending him angry texts, he din even reply as though he doesnt bothers ! Sch end, i cheered myself up, joke with classmates and decided to train back tgt with em. While walking, someone placed his hand on my shoulder. Yes, it was a trick to make me angry.
I knw he blames me for making him choose between training and me. And the talked back home was horrible. I knw he was letting me knw his feelings towards db. But it feels as though it was a comparism between me and db. Esp hw he mentions if he come to me he is letting his brothers down. Its totally diff case isnt it ? Sigh, i don wish to bring this up again bcus every thought of it makes me feels so shit esp the part where it reminds me of hw he assures i'm his first priority.
Anyway, we went to had Marche, shopping and headed back home. i appreciated that night.
Wed was FYP panel, it was filled with much jitters and all. The intv was so sudden and we were shot down by 3 machine guns. After e intv for the first time, we felt so emo-ed. It was rly so bad tt spinnovex seems so far away frm us. Khim came to fetch me frm sch and we wen Central for his sis advanced bdae dinner. We had as usual hairy crab, it was a wonderful dnr but the bill was even wonderful. It costed 110$ per pax. My jaw dropped !
thurs khim was nice to pick me for lunch and den sch knwing i din had lunch. After sch was meet up with bec & char. We headed to ION & while shopping , bec's phone gt pick pocketed. Well, but she was all calm. We had dinner and starbucks, cam whoring like idiots. Much fun, esp in the toilet like nobody business. Baby came to picked me home and it was rather late :X
Fri after training baby came to pick me for breakfast. Can u imagine my boy had MC Griddles, Big Breakfast and Hotcakes for breakfast ? He went for his appt and headed back home after tt. Poor gal skins had rashes again, we waited for his Dad to pick us to the pet clinic. Night was dinner at 515A with his aunt and cousin.
Today we are not spending anytime tgt, he has training in the morning and IPPT in the evening ltr. Night we are heading to charles big 21st bdae party. Another one more week and baby's gonna b away frm me for god 3days. I knw its nth luh. But, i'm stil moving and learning hard to trust him bit by bit and i pray hard this time it wont get broken again.
11/07/2009 01:59:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
s Alright, i'm still aint in the mood to upload, yx's bdae and others.
On a side note, i've finally gotten my precious E71 but den tie down by a $300 loan frm dad. I knw i shld b appreciative that he paid 300 for me already.
Sat met dan and went to help him for his work and head down to SIM to meet khim after his paper. SOOO while waiting for the phone to arrive, DAMN, we quarrelled all cause of clubbing and drinking what else. It sucks.
Sun had to wait on standby as always for his training to end. He came and join us for lunch and the family headed to town. We headed home and dinner was Fish and Co with his family.
Now FYP is causing so much stress, all packed up and rushed in this whole week. Barely any much time with khim since last week, Now his exam has end, its another sucky week. Today was suppose to celebrate after his exam but i got stuck up with FYP til 5, we had dinner with Dan and headed home. It was barely 9 !
To think tml is
30mths but so ? it doesnt matters isnt it. I wont be meeting khim bcus of FYP, after school he has training. Both of us know so well what isit i want. Yes, i wished i could see him after school and spent the night tgt. It upset and happy him telling me its 30mths tml. But so what? we wont be celebrating or seeing each other isnt it ? Trainings are so much more impt, i'm starting to get upset and sick of all those trainings. Tue morning night, Thur morning night, Fri morning, Sat morning, Sun morning afternoon. It seems never ever ending. Ever since, we have been spending so much lesser time tgt, no more late nights out, no more stayover. Each time i cant help but remind myself of those words he said of how he wont be commited, how he wil place me as priority how he would put me first if there is training. Yet none of this words are kept. Jus one day away jus forever seems so hard
Sigh.
i knw how upset how unhappy but i still have to swallow down and forget the next day. At the very least all i wish for is to feel my importance on the impt day.
Ok, Poor khim jus told me that he scratched the car and realised he left his paddle at SDBA. He must be feeling extremely upset and down now.
I wish i cld have the money to get 1 new paddle for him.
But,
useless me.
11/02/2009 09:08:00 PM //
Out of the darkness and into the sun
<3
